Dublin Core
Title
Abbey Ports Oral History
Subject
Abbey Ports oral history account of the COIVID-19 pandemic.
Description
Abbey Ports oral history account of the COIVID-19 pandemic.
Creator
Stephanie Czeslowski
Date
November 17, 2020
Contributor
Abbey Ports
Format
audio file
Language
English
Oral History Item Type Metadata
Interviewer
Stephanie Czeslowski
Interviewee
Abbey Ports
Location
Zoom
Transcription
So, I actually went to Stevenson [University] and that’s how I knew Caroline [Smith] (see Caroline Smith Oral History) saw this opportunity. You know last, I’m trying to think, it was so long ago. I just remember we finished our last clinical. It was like the week after that and I went to one Practicum day, which is like, it's kind of like our last clinical before we become nurses. Like we are essentially on our own doing our own thing and I just I remember in Practicum actually getting the news notification about Tom Hanks getting Covid and that's when it like kind of started to become real because at clinical we were all “oh this is just gonna be like the flu like not the big of a deal” but then as like, it was literally the next week I was like this is getting serious. Like this isn't a joke. So we actually finished and then everything was on line. I can tell you I blacked out those last few months because I think it was just like a mix of disappointment, you know, like how are we... like not knowing what's going on, and like having to finish nursing school, which requires complete hands on online? And there expecting us you know to go into the field a few months later. So that was kind of, it was difficult, I don't know it was just like the weirdest feeling, I don't even know how to describe it. But I think the one thing that helped me get through was our professor, one of my professors, she's like “I’m not even gonna have you guys do a final. What I’m gonna have you do is just do journals about how you're feeling, how you're doing, how you're coping through all this. And that actually really, I didn't realize how much that would help me because like writing it down kind of felt like a palpable, a tangible, a real thing. It wasn’t just I don’t know what I’m feeling. But writing it down it's like this is what I’m feeling and it helped me see it and I was able to kind of accept the situation a little more and um... Yeah so that was last semester. So I work at Sinai [Hospital of Baltimore] now and they emailed us and they were like because of Governor Larry Hogan’s emergency state of order how like these nursing students can come in and work that was a little frightening ‘cause its was look traditionally you know you graduate, you get two - three months off, then you start working. But they were like no you guys can come in now. And I was like I don't know if I know anything. I started working in June and I got my license in July. So that started everything.
Can you kind of go into just a little bit of what your day to day is as a nurse, a new nurse?
So the unit I work on, I work on an intermediate care, it's not quite ICU and it's not quite a regular floor, so we're kind of inbetween. Although the intermediate care on my floor it could be ICU. I remember coming in and they were like “Oh yeah this is the Covid unit” and I’m like “That's wonderful. That's great.” But I’ll say this my third day there I was doing CPR on a person and I’m like, they weren't Covid thank god, but that, that was a little bewildering. But typically we just monitor the patients. Make sure that things are okay, but these patients could flip on you so quickly. Like they could be fine and the next thing you know they’re in ICU. I’ve seen it happen so many times with Covid and non-Covid. I will say during the summer it was okay. The Covid was manageable. We had Covid patients but it wasn’t overwhelming like it is now. But it was really interesting during the beginning when I started because you know the Remdesivir was coming out and Dexamethasone and the plama and all these treatments were coming out so I was kind of there with like the older nurses giving these treatments for Covid. That was interesting. I thought that was very cool. But we also get like non-Covid patients, but their very, very sick patients and it’s sad, but you find the smallest detail or change in them and your like this is going to go downhill very quickly. So that's why it's like we need to pick up on these things very quickly. I wanna send them to, I tell them I don’t want you to be here, I want you to be on a regular med-surg floor that's what I want, but. We’ve had patients there for, there was one patient who was there for like four months. And all the nurses knew him because he went between our floor, ICU, then came back down to us. Yeah it's just, it’s a strange time to be a new nurse. ‘Cause they always say your first year is gonna be your hardest cause you're still adjusting, you're still learning how to manage your time and assess these patients and pick up on those small changes. But right now it’s like sometimes, some days, it's just like you're just in a machine mode you just wanna get stuff done, but make sure everyone is still okay.
Going into, obviously when you choose your major way back when before this was even a thought in your head, how did you almost come to terms with this is what I thought nursing was gonna be and this is what I thought I was gonna be doing and now here I am doing something completely different?
It’s actually funny that you ask that question cause, so I went into nursing I became interest in it because my cousin was going to nursing school but then I had to go to the hospital when I was like sixteen and i was liek I wanna be a nurse like that's what I wanna do. Now I thought throughout high school, throughout college, I would say even until probably my last semester in college I’m like I’m gonna be working in pediatrics. I’m gonna be working with kids. That's what I’m gonna do. Then you know I went through my critical care clinical and I’m like I love this. This is what I wanna do. And I loved pediatrics like my clinical was on an adolescent floor and I couldn’t do little kids. I realized that I couldn’t do the little ones. I could do adolescents. They're chill, they're about our age, they understand. My direction completely flipped cause I thought I was gonna be working in one field and now I’m working with old people and I love them. I love my old people. And I’m working in critical care. Like I never thought that would happen. You know even junior year I’m like nursing is so great you get to interact with the patients. I mean they seem stressed but you know with like, even when we were in the ICU for my clinical it was like okay this is kind of a controlled situation, it's stressful, but it's controlled. I would never have thought when I started it would just be whatever's going on now. That was another thing I was struggling with when it first started cause I was like, I had to learn that this was out of my control, this is out of a lot of peoples control. So I kind of have to roll with the punches and it's a lot of punches but. It's something we have to get through and everyone keeps telling me this is going to make you a stronger nurse like every nurse is going through this right now. It's not just the new grads. I thought nursing was going to be comepekty different. Not this whole pandemic, everyones dying, no. And I also, one thing I didn't realize was the emotional connection you make with your patients. That's one thing I really like. I think we have this tendency to go in and be like okay you're just kind of checking things off getting through your day you know. You see them as patients. It’s when they have family come in and you're talking to the family that light switch is like this could be my grandmother, my mother, you know like they’re a human being too. You do develop such an emotional connection with them. I’m like I don't know these people, they’re strangers to me but you feel like you know them so well by the end of your shift and it's even better if you have them like multiple days in a row cause it’s like I know you and I know if something changes I know how to tell the doctor.
In the beginning when you first realized that you were gonna be going to work at a hospital sooner than you thought you would, were you afraid or like what emotions were you feeling then?
I think part of it, I was definitely a little afraid especially knowing I was going on a Covid unit and knowing that I missed my practicum, I missed a while clinical, and I just felt a little underprepared. But also, most people in my class didn't start working until August. So I realized okay I’m able to get this practice, this experience, cause I was still a student at the time I didn't have my license so it was technically like a clinical, but I was like okay this is gonna be okay, I’m just getting extra practice and I won’t be walking in as nurse not knowing what to do I’ll have some idea of what I’m doing when I’m officially licensed. As a twenty one, twenty two year old it's like I feel like this has taken away from my early twenties. Like I should not be working this early. I just wanna have some fun. So I mean there was like the professional side of it, but also like I had just got out of college I missed the end, I wasn’t the only one but, missing the end of senior year is like there’s so much I still need to do. Like have fun. I don’t wanna waste my time at work but I’m happy that I did start early cause I felt very, very prepared once I was on my own.
In terms of you know you go to work and then you come home what are some of the things that you do to kind of like destress, decompress like at least try to?
Wine. Wine. Wine. No, lately it's been wine. It's been a little stressful the past couple weeks but on a normal basis I come home I realize that I need to showerbecause that actually relaxes me. I really enjoy reading. It kind of takes my mind away from everything. And you know over the summer when things were a little better and we could you know see people easier I would make it a point to go see my friends. ‘Cause that way I was like going out. I wasn't at work, we were just having fun. Spending time with friends and reading have been like my two biggest things. Lately it’s been wine, but that’s gonna end soon ‘cause everyones gonna be following the rules and we're not gonna be having this keep going on. And honestly my coworkers are like great. They’re so supportive so at least I don't have that stressful aspect. And it’s always fun cause like after work we’ll walk out together and just talk about random stuff and even yesterday when I got off of work there was a group of us we were just standing in the middle of the hallway talking. Like we were about to leave, but I don't know we were just talking for a good twenty minutes and that was just really relaxing to just take my mind of the day and you know like cause the way we tell stories is just like it makes the situation so much better if you tell it in a way that’s funny even if it's probably not appropriate but its just how we get through.
I think that's it for questions that I have. So unless there's anything else that you wanna make sure that you get to mention?
One thing that will always stick with me is I walked into, this was my first day on the unit, I walk in this patient’s room, he was about to get downgraded but he was like “You know what gets me a hospital stay?” I’m like what? He’s like I always say “This to will pass.” And I’m like that's when I was just like oh my goodness. Like it's so true it will pass when I don't know. But I think having that mentality, just you have to go in with a positive attitude cause just having a negative one it’s just its gonna make your day so much worse. That was probably the one thing that has stuck with me this entire time and is still sticking with me. Also everyone please get your vaccines. Please get you vaccines the flu one and when they [Covid vaccines] become available in the near future. I just want everyone to know like we will get through this.
Can you kind of go into just a little bit of what your day to day is as a nurse, a new nurse?
So the unit I work on, I work on an intermediate care, it's not quite ICU and it's not quite a regular floor, so we're kind of inbetween. Although the intermediate care on my floor it could be ICU. I remember coming in and they were like “Oh yeah this is the Covid unit” and I’m like “That's wonderful. That's great.” But I’ll say this my third day there I was doing CPR on a person and I’m like, they weren't Covid thank god, but that, that was a little bewildering. But typically we just monitor the patients. Make sure that things are okay, but these patients could flip on you so quickly. Like they could be fine and the next thing you know they’re in ICU. I’ve seen it happen so many times with Covid and non-Covid. I will say during the summer it was okay. The Covid was manageable. We had Covid patients but it wasn’t overwhelming like it is now. But it was really interesting during the beginning when I started because you know the Remdesivir was coming out and Dexamethasone and the plama and all these treatments were coming out so I was kind of there with like the older nurses giving these treatments for Covid. That was interesting. I thought that was very cool. But we also get like non-Covid patients, but their very, very sick patients and it’s sad, but you find the smallest detail or change in them and your like this is going to go downhill very quickly. So that's why it's like we need to pick up on these things very quickly. I wanna send them to, I tell them I don’t want you to be here, I want you to be on a regular med-surg floor that's what I want, but. We’ve had patients there for, there was one patient who was there for like four months. And all the nurses knew him because he went between our floor, ICU, then came back down to us. Yeah it's just, it’s a strange time to be a new nurse. ‘Cause they always say your first year is gonna be your hardest cause you're still adjusting, you're still learning how to manage your time and assess these patients and pick up on those small changes. But right now it’s like sometimes, some days, it's just like you're just in a machine mode you just wanna get stuff done, but make sure everyone is still okay.
Going into, obviously when you choose your major way back when before this was even a thought in your head, how did you almost come to terms with this is what I thought nursing was gonna be and this is what I thought I was gonna be doing and now here I am doing something completely different?
It’s actually funny that you ask that question cause, so I went into nursing I became interest in it because my cousin was going to nursing school but then I had to go to the hospital when I was like sixteen and i was liek I wanna be a nurse like that's what I wanna do. Now I thought throughout high school, throughout college, I would say even until probably my last semester in college I’m like I’m gonna be working in pediatrics. I’m gonna be working with kids. That's what I’m gonna do. Then you know I went through my critical care clinical and I’m like I love this. This is what I wanna do. And I loved pediatrics like my clinical was on an adolescent floor and I couldn’t do little kids. I realized that I couldn’t do the little ones. I could do adolescents. They're chill, they're about our age, they understand. My direction completely flipped cause I thought I was gonna be working in one field and now I’m working with old people and I love them. I love my old people. And I’m working in critical care. Like I never thought that would happen. You know even junior year I’m like nursing is so great you get to interact with the patients. I mean they seem stressed but you know with like, even when we were in the ICU for my clinical it was like okay this is kind of a controlled situation, it's stressful, but it's controlled. I would never have thought when I started it would just be whatever's going on now. That was another thing I was struggling with when it first started cause I was like, I had to learn that this was out of my control, this is out of a lot of peoples control. So I kind of have to roll with the punches and it's a lot of punches but. It's something we have to get through and everyone keeps telling me this is going to make you a stronger nurse like every nurse is going through this right now. It's not just the new grads. I thought nursing was going to be comepekty different. Not this whole pandemic, everyones dying, no. And I also, one thing I didn't realize was the emotional connection you make with your patients. That's one thing I really like. I think we have this tendency to go in and be like okay you're just kind of checking things off getting through your day you know. You see them as patients. It’s when they have family come in and you're talking to the family that light switch is like this could be my grandmother, my mother, you know like they’re a human being too. You do develop such an emotional connection with them. I’m like I don't know these people, they’re strangers to me but you feel like you know them so well by the end of your shift and it's even better if you have them like multiple days in a row cause it’s like I know you and I know if something changes I know how to tell the doctor.
In the beginning when you first realized that you were gonna be going to work at a hospital sooner than you thought you would, were you afraid or like what emotions were you feeling then?
I think part of it, I was definitely a little afraid especially knowing I was going on a Covid unit and knowing that I missed my practicum, I missed a while clinical, and I just felt a little underprepared. But also, most people in my class didn't start working until August. So I realized okay I’m able to get this practice, this experience, cause I was still a student at the time I didn't have my license so it was technically like a clinical, but I was like okay this is gonna be okay, I’m just getting extra practice and I won’t be walking in as nurse not knowing what to do I’ll have some idea of what I’m doing when I’m officially licensed. As a twenty one, twenty two year old it's like I feel like this has taken away from my early twenties. Like I should not be working this early. I just wanna have some fun. So I mean there was like the professional side of it, but also like I had just got out of college I missed the end, I wasn’t the only one but, missing the end of senior year is like there’s so much I still need to do. Like have fun. I don’t wanna waste my time at work but I’m happy that I did start early cause I felt very, very prepared once I was on my own.
In terms of you know you go to work and then you come home what are some of the things that you do to kind of like destress, decompress like at least try to?
Wine. Wine. Wine. No, lately it's been wine. It's been a little stressful the past couple weeks but on a normal basis I come home I realize that I need to showerbecause that actually relaxes me. I really enjoy reading. It kind of takes my mind away from everything. And you know over the summer when things were a little better and we could you know see people easier I would make it a point to go see my friends. ‘Cause that way I was like going out. I wasn't at work, we were just having fun. Spending time with friends and reading have been like my two biggest things. Lately it’s been wine, but that’s gonna end soon ‘cause everyones gonna be following the rules and we're not gonna be having this keep going on. And honestly my coworkers are like great. They’re so supportive so at least I don't have that stressful aspect. And it’s always fun cause like after work we’ll walk out together and just talk about random stuff and even yesterday when I got off of work there was a group of us we were just standing in the middle of the hallway talking. Like we were about to leave, but I don't know we were just talking for a good twenty minutes and that was just really relaxing to just take my mind of the day and you know like cause the way we tell stories is just like it makes the situation so much better if you tell it in a way that’s funny even if it's probably not appropriate but its just how we get through.
I think that's it for questions that I have. So unless there's anything else that you wanna make sure that you get to mention?
One thing that will always stick with me is I walked into, this was my first day on the unit, I walk in this patient’s room, he was about to get downgraded but he was like “You know what gets me a hospital stay?” I’m like what? He’s like I always say “This to will pass.” And I’m like that's when I was just like oh my goodness. Like it's so true it will pass when I don't know. But I think having that mentality, just you have to go in with a positive attitude cause just having a negative one it’s just its gonna make your day so much worse. That was probably the one thing that has stuck with me this entire time and is still sticking with me. Also everyone please get your vaccines. Please get you vaccines the flu one and when they [Covid vaccines] become available in the near future. I just want everyone to know like we will get through this.
Duration
19 minutes